Society’s Strangle Hold On Your Dick:
I am urging all men to be done with society’s games.  In the past society used to pressure mainly gay or bisexual men to suppress their sexuality, pushing them into lives or ways of leading that life that didn’t fit. We have all met that guy who wakes up one day and thinks, “ I don’t want this, how the fuck did I get here, I am not comfortable here”. I have news for you, Straight men face similar demands, coerced into marriage or lifestyles they don’t want. Personally I think there are more of this type hidden in a very different closet.  

This isn’t just a “gay” issue—it’s a “guy” issue. Men, regardless of orientation, are pressured to conform to a one-size-fits-all mold. Through musclematt.com and my crew, I’ve heard from countless men—straight, gay, bi, or exploring—living double lives, not by choice but because society demands conformity. This breeds resentment and misery. Whether it’s straight or gay communities pushing norms, the real problem is men not pursuing what truly works for them. To do that, they must first know what they want. How? Tune out the noise and explore, not just for a partner or lifestyle, but how to live within that lifestyle and remain true to yourself.  Many fail here. Maybe a married man doesn’t want kids, and all that comes with a traditional marriage or wants them but rejects the “dad bod” and mediocrity; he refuses to be just another stressed miserable married guy day dreaming of single life. Maybe a gay man doesn’t want to wave a flag or frequent trendy gay spots.  
 

The Wall Paper Confession:
A man, married with two young kids, told his wife while hanging wallpaper in his kitchen,  “I don’t want to do this anymore.” She thought he meant wallpapering; he meant the marriage and family life. They divorced, stayed friends, and co-parented, but the choice reshaped their lives. He’d admitted he buckled under societal pressure, prioritizing others’ happiness over his own, he didn’t realize it until it was too late, leading to disaster. Similarly, a gay man in Boston wrote me, living with his partner in a vibrant gay community, said the same words. He didn’t reject his sexuality but he rejected the lifestyle he’d adopted, or was forced to by his partner. Surrounding himself with gay friends, frequenting gay spots, chasing “pride” as others defined it. He felt smothered, not liberated, by the gossip, stereotypes, and expectations. He said and I quote “it made me sick to my stomach Boss”. Pride, he realized, wasn’t about conforming to a prescribed way of living.  Why can’t I be a gay man and be discreet, be attracted to real men, masculine men that likes a lifted pick-up truck, the gym, sports and prefer to live in a straight community and just blend in.  I told him he can.  He left his boyfriend, not from anything I said, but because he too was lead to believe immersing yourself in “gay” was pride.


Big Balls!
Some men dodge this trap and find happiness; others cave, wrecking their mental health. The biggest lies men tell are to themselves. It takes balls to chase what you want unapologetically and to recognize when someone’s pressuring you into a life altering decision. Small choices? Say, “Fuck it, just do it.” But for big ones, experiment and feel things out. Men spend more time test-driving a car, something you can ditch in three years, than decisions that shape a lifetime. Real men defy pressure, whether straight, gay, or in between.  

Wedding Dress or Rainbow Flag, The Societal Shove
Parents nag, “When are you settling down?” driven by their own needs and an unfulfilled life of their own.  That feels selfish to me, parents should only want their children happy and emotional fulfilled. The truth is men want to choose their path, settling down or not, on their terms. Society’s rom-coms, Instagram engagements, and pressure from friends (misery loves company) tie manhood to rings and kids, stressing men out. Nothing should be forced; experiment, be free, know what you want, and pursue it if it harms no one. Pressure hits all: straight men marry from duty, gay or bisexual men conform to fit in. Bending to parents, peers, or old norms can break you. Whether it’s a wedding dress or a rainbow flag either will smoother you if you let it.


Trading Closets:
When a man comes out as gay, some expect freedom, but it’s a half-truth. Many trade one closet for another, facing pressure from militant activists to conform to their “gay life” standards—shaming discreet men, demanding rainbow flags, parades, gay venues, and specific votes. This conformity is as self-sabotaging as straight men marrying to please society. Let people be—gay, straight, or bisexual—just be.

Follow Your Dick, Then Your Heart, Then Your Gut:
Curious about sexuality? It’s great I have said forever male sexuality is fascinating which is the basis for my Behind The Masks Web Series. I dissect the male psyche based on my experience running this site.  Research, explore, and test-drive safely with trusted partners. Let your body’s signals, your “dick pointing”, guide you without shame again as long it is not harmful to anyone else or illegal.  Ditch what doesn’t work, own your choices. Once you know who you are, follow your heart to find the right partner who shares your values, then trust your gut to live that life authentically, without loosing yourself. One size doesn’t fit all, navigate your unique path within your chosen lifestyle.

The Lesson:

Decide who you are, find the right partner, and trust your gut to live true to yourself. Own your path boldly, silence pushy voices, maybe even push back, whether family, friends, or activists. Live by design, chase your happiness and make no excuses or apologies and reject conformity. Strong men rebel and shine; the weak conform and suffer. Be the man you’re most comfortable being, whether with a wife and kids, single, straight, gay or a little bit of both. Just do it your way, in every part of life.  No Spine, No Shine man!